What I See When I See You

In a world that keeps telling me

To move faster

Do more

Be more

Make a name for myself

Check all the boxes

Keep up appearances

And always be “just fine”

In this same world, I saw you,

An escape from that frightful cycle

You were there, living for the moment,

Soaking up the melodies

Of this sick sick beat

And it made me look within myself

And reach inside my chest,

And as my whole body opened

I let the air breathe through my lungs,

Yeah, cause you do this thing to me

That gets me all muddled up

Where my heart beats so fast

I feel like I’m going to choke it up

Then other times my heart just pounds and pounds and aches in my chest

Oh, but I can’t stand the games my head plays with my heart

The half-broken bones and torn ligaments

Make it hard for you to hold me

But I want you to hold me,

I want you to make me feel whole

Cause I think I’m getting sucked in

And I can’t pull myself away,

Will you pull me away

From my fear-driven plight

And into the freedom of your self-made life…

The truth always breathes through absent air

For anyone who has ever been bullied into silence…

The other day

Someone close to me asked me

To recall the heartache

of a past-pain that hasn’t

completely healed yet,

And it caused me physical pain

As it all came back to me,

That you really thought it was okay

To tear me down

And use me

Against myself

For your satisfaction,

To suppress your own inner pain,

You thought you were really tough, didn’t you,

Can’t believe I once thought I loved you,

Every time you beat me down

By telling me

That I was to blame

For all the bad things

that went on,

That I got in the way,

That I took up too much space,

You normalised emotional trauma

with careless rage,

You broke a guitar

that was given to you

Bet they don’t even know

that you smashed it

In a frustrated state,

Broken lamps,

And remote controls,

In the bedroom,

In the garage,

In the car,

On the street,

and so many more places,

All the many beats

Of my heart

That you broke,

That nobody ever saw,

So entrenched in the masquerade,

That when I tried to raise my voice,

Many months before I left,

They all –

You all – laughed,

As if the truth that

I finally coughed up

was just a childish joke,

To be squandered

and neglected,

Well, that wasn’t

a very hopeful landscape

for revealing the hidden trauma,

So don’t ask the absent air why

I didn’t speak up,

Were you really so confounded by how long it took me to leave?

And society counts me

as one of the lucky ones,

To break free

Partially unscathed,

And it’s true,

Here I am,

And it’s only occasionally that

The excruciating flashbacks creep up on me,

But I’m safe;

I’m worlds away from you.

And it’s only,

Only because of the humanity of a select few,

Who pulled me out of the deepest darkest blue,

And took me in off the street

At 3 o’clock in the morning,

and offerred me a bed

After you pushed me out your door,

With nowhere to run to

On the other side of the world,

With no ticket out

And no plans for the road

but expected me to have it all figured out

and be out of your town

as fast as I was off your lawn.

Each Of Us

I think that the world

Would seem very different,

If we consciously considered

that every person suffers

and grapples

with the pain of existence,

with loss,

with heartache,

with others,

with themselves,

That if we were to be conscious of this,

before opening our mouths,

before taking that step,

before shutting that door,

before dimming that light,

the world would be

a much kinder place

(only You Know You)

Awkward times pass,

Trust me I’m the expert,

Just gotta keep on

Through the weird moments,

and the people that dont understand,

They don’t know you,

(Only you know you),

don’t waste your energy

on needless explanations,

Don’t let others’ opinions of you
shape you,

be it good or bad,

all is poison

outside of your inward gaze,

You’re alright,

You’re alright,

One thing

Just one thing at a time,

even when everything seems to be

Going so slowly,

and you just want to take flight

From this place

you find yourself in

sometimes

in this mental space,

That you get in-to,

so take time,

to taste time,

even when your patience begins to wane,

see, when we try to escape time

it all starts coming back,

Hard memories get set on rewind,

Jamming up the tape,

Skipping over a couple of beats

All night

So just

Put it back in its case

Away from this moment,

Leave it where you left it,

It was stopped

and ejected

and pushed aside

for a switch over

for a reason

Into The Flames

Go on,

Go ahead,

You’re always, almost there,

That is,

Until you see that

“Almost”

Is another way of saying

You’re still alive, my dear,

Your heart and soul

Are waiting for you,

On the steps,

By the train station,

In the city of your mind,

The breeze carries

A waft of burning embers,

Breathing in the wind

from your ignited soul,

That you set on fire

In your darkness

To ease your suffering

And bring peace to your mind,

To vanquish the demons

And embrace your inner skin,

That endlessly burns,

In the breeze,

Spreading the wildfire,

As you take off, emblazoned

By the flight

Of your inner lightness,

As you come alive.

See to believe/ believe to seeΒ 

Searching eyes

Pierce through thick smoke

Denial is the essence of deceit,

Yet in the hands of the big people,

It is disguised as unrelinquished hope,

A false guise

Big lies

By tall people

With big eyes

Who see the scope

But won’t show pity,

Who fear discomfort

But don’t offer a blanket,

To the glistening eyes and hopeful hands,

That fear the people

Who fear themselves,

The eyes of power invade the towers,

Compressed souls

And caged hearts

Suited up

For the killing,

Consolidating deals by pen and paper

A tidy job,

A solution to the glaring eyeballs of lost hope and torn lives,

A bandage, a stitch-work

Can barely see the wound that was once the main part of the form,

A patchwork of promises

A scar-riddled carcass

Surrendered to the cycle,

Of cut, paste and copy

Sealed and sent out

For wide distribution,

An inescapable prison

Filed by a mechanical heart

That pumps through big cities

And large publications,

We, the people, feed off the information

Free, in the open,

Provided to ease civilians,

Metallic grins,

black and white prints,

punchy headlines,

and quoted opinions,

keep the scope within the system

and validate the debate with falsely sanctified reasoning,

no longer strumming the heart strings,

but playing with vulnerable lives,

outside lives,

distant lives,

by way of logical reductionism

Surrender The Gate

Peace and quiet

can be found

in noisy environments,

while chaos and dissonance

can echo through silence,

the unspoken mind

remains

vulnerable and confronting,

while silver-plated armour

may gleam beneath the light

when

true thoughts are guarded

by a single-handed-army

against invisible enemies,

elaborate trenches,

and tall brick walls,

the shrapnel and debris

stay inside the wound,

with each step

and each false word,

the fragments of battle

scrape against the unattended pain,

to guard an open gate

that you’re trying to enter

is to swallow the key to your inhabitance,

where will you sleep,

if you block the only entrance to your internal bed?

How will you laugh,

if the dark clouds are trapped within your walls?

How will you dance,

if you ramshackle your limbs outside your door?

This battle is in stalemate,

Weathered and cold,

these barricades

rusted,

unlatch the gate hinges

and let yourself in,

unlock the portal,

surrender the hidden battle

at the door of your mind

and walk free