Nana, the first poem you’ll never read

I miss you so much,
I don’t know how to breathe
without choking,
how to see
without glaring,
how to be

My heart
I can’t hold it,
My heart hurts
it’s scolding me

I miss you so bad,
I just wanna cuddle into you,

I just wanna be with you,
can I join you wherever you are,

I miss you,
and it makes me wanna believe
that there’s a heaven up there
’cause oh boy, if there is
I know you’d be the first one let in

not because you didn’t sin,
I mean, we all have and will,
but because you never lied,
you were honest in who you were
and in the way your eyes curved
upon the world

you gave your heart
to every soul you met,
you gave a stage to every voice
that called to you,
you made everybody feel whole around you,

I hope that your soul
is sparkling across the universe
’cause the world needs more of you,
the world needs more of you
the world needs you
just you
just you

the world needs more
and more
of you

and Nana
if you’re glimmering through
the unseeable realm that surrounds us,
does that mean you’re here with me now?

’cause Nana,
I see petals that echo your name,
and bushes of roses as rich as your presence
and I wanna rip ’em all off and dance with them

…Ouch! Thorns. Branches. Sharp leaves.
A drop of blood falls into a crease in the concrete
infusing the dirt,
creating some kind of sludge,
and I wanna believe
that your atoms are also those particles of dirt
and that I can be with you
anywhere, at any hour
if I look hard enough,

and Nana,
is that you tweeting in the trees,
rustling the leaves,
nesting amongst the leafy branches,
is that you,
burning my shoulders,
kissing freckles onto my cheeks,
is that you,
breathing cool air across my forehead,
brushing through my hair,
is that you,
all sweet and salty,
all grainy and sticky,

like the sand clings between my toes,
I cling to every atom of yours that dances amongst the universe

now that your soul has been set free
from the ravaging tides
of that merciless disease,
you’re free now,
from the wild waves of black and green
that flooded your veins,
making it so hard to
eat and sleep and breath,

you are free now

as light as the breeze
as heavy as the rain,
as soft as the clouds
as harsh as the sun,
you’re everything
and you’re infused in everything
around me

2 thoughts on “Nana, the first poem you’ll never read

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