(my mind is) blinking behind closed eyelids 

You’re gonna be alright,
you’re gonna be alright,
I know it’s hard sometimes
but I know you can get through tonight,

I know the world falls into darkness sometimes,
and it’s hard to see the light
behind the heavy shadows,

but it’s alright to hurt,
let your tears fall
into the darkness of night,

I know your eyes well up sometimes
when you think about your mamma,
I know you don’t understand
why it seems as though you don’t have a mamma,

I know it hurts inside
mostly ’cause you’re too confused to tell anyone,

it’s your mamma coming home drunk on too many evenings and early mornings
and disciplining you for her demons,

it’s your mamma sobbing over a divorce that should’ve happened ten years prior,
stinging you with the venom of slandering secrets,
two hands full, one with a glass,
the other with a bottle,
tripping over herself
late at night
while you’re in bed
trying to recite
your studies for your final university exam
for the following morning,
curled under the covers
with the lights off,

she talks to you like a friend,
but a disposable, soggy-season-pal,
not at all like a daughter,

she tells you she’s in a bad place,
but she’s been using this excuse
for over a decade now,

when you went to North America for eight months
she didn’t even try to reply
to a single email
or pick up a phone or Skype call
that whole damn time,
she didn’t message on Christmas
or New Years or your birthday,
she didn’t even pick up or try to call back
when you called her five times on Mother’s Day,

then you came back

and she had no idea you were sufferring at the hands of the man you thought you loved,
and she didn’t understand why
you didn’t run to her for support,
and she didn’t understand why she knew nothing about you,

but she loves to pretend she does
and she says social media counts as human interaction
and she says she loves you more than she loves herself,

and all you can hear
is the screaming silence,
wherein lies the many misdemeanours never acknowledged,
and the many wounds left undressed,

but it’s alright,
it’s alright,
it’s okay to hurt sometimes
this is why the night is dark
and the morning will soon rise

I can see it in your eyes,
I know you’re trying not to cry,
’cause your mamma doesn’t know a thing about you,
and she probably never will

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